


I Long

by lostinmymindforever



Series: Poems [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Unrequited Wincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 16:50:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/pseuds/lostinmymindforever





	I Long

I long for the days

When it was just the two of us

Long before everything

Fell so apart

I long for the days

Before I ran

Terrified of how I felt

Scared that you would see me 

As a freak

A monster

Wrong

Perverse

I long for the nights

When you’d hold me in

Your arms

Telling me everything would

Be okay

I believed you

Believed your lies

Knowing you only said them

To protect me

To keep me safe

You give and give

And I can never repay you

You have no clue

How much I worship you

How much I long for you

To look at me

And not see 

Your little brother

Your responsibility

But see me as a man

See me as an equal

Someone you can trust

Someone to share your life with

I push

And pull

And do things

Things I hate

Trying to get you to notice me

Trying to get you to see

I’m empty without you

A shell

I pretend I’m fine

Pretend that being just

Your little brother is

Enough

And every night 

I touch myself

Biting my lips

To prevent your name

From falling out of

My mouth

I long for you to touch me

To take your pleasure from my flesh

To use me

To make me feel something

Anything

But this emptiness

I feel whenever

I watch you with another

I watch you flirt

And tease

And fall into bed

With others so easily

And I want to scream

“I’m here, take me”

But I stay silent

Longing

Wanting

Waiting

Patching you up

When you are tossed aside

Fixing you when others

Break you

Sobbing inside

As I watch you break yourself

As I watch you go down this path

You think I want so many things

And yet

All I have ever wanted

Is you

My Big Brother

My Dean

The only one I

Have ever truly loved

The one I would kill for

Die for

Sell my soul for

You’ve given yourself

For me

And still

Not how I want

Not how I need

I need to feel

What the others feel

I’m lost without you

Forever running 

Away 

And back

Because I can’t stay away

Not from you

I never could

Dean

You’ll never know

I can’t tell you

You’d hate me

Push me away

I couldn’t bare to see

Disgust in your eyes

If you knew

I came so close

To telling you

When my soul was gone

And even then

I couldn’t

Couldn’t bare it

Soulless 

And still terrified

It was the only thing

That scared me

Losing your love

Losing you

When you vanished

I almost died

You think I just gave up

Settled down

Found normalcy

I was this close

This close to ending everything

She was a distraction

Nothing more

I would have given up everything

For you

I long to tell you

Long to have you in my arms

And it mean more

I hate watching 

Watching you flirt

Watching you find happiness 

In others

I’m so jealous

I’m wrong

Sick

Twisted

And I can’t stop

I’ve loved you

My whole life

Sometimes it seems

Like I’ve loved you

Since before I was born

I want you happy

And yet 

It kills me when you are

Because it’s not 

With me

I’m not the one

Who makes you smile

Who makes you laugh

Who makes you moan

I wish I was

I wish I was normal

I wish I didn’t feel this way

Empty

Confused

Hollow

Broken without you

You want me whole

Want to fix me

How can you fix this

How can I let you try

So I say I am fine

And you believe my lie

Because I’ve said it

So many times 

Now that you can’t

Even see that 

I’m dying without you


End file.
